Awaken and Untangled

Is it me or is it other people? Or, is it you? A question asked at this ungodly odd hours.

The love I saw before turned into ashes these couple of days (in other planet’s duration). It’s couple of years Earth time, but it felt 200 years, if you ask me.

I don’t know what went wrong. Or when it started to get this ugly. I really don’t know because I didn’t it see coming.

Everything is like a bomb dropped above me, I felt like I need to carry an enormous rock, and I felt far from comfortable – and in peace.

Why can’t people stop the non-sense and be grown-ups for a little while? Well, at least for a little bit longer. Just a bit. Why can’t people just talk and try to make things clear between each other, rather than yelling, swearing, back-stabbing and oh well, give each other silent treatment?

Is it difficult?

Silent treatment is easy though, I always do it to avoid unfavorable situation, but, now, this is not an appropriate act to do.

After years, spending quality time together and getting to know each other, far back in my naïve mind, there is a thought.

You should have known each other better. Why can’t you figure things out?

Rather than skipping and taking a huge leap, leaving maybe good choices and few bad ones, why don’t you take one step at a time? A good step? A step that doesn’t’ hurt other people’s feeling, especially me and the people who are close with me, with you?

It hurts, but, I guess, you never have thought about it, don’t you?

And when I’m stuck between two people, well, it’s not really a pretty ballerina shoes, or Christian Louboutin pumps. It’s a pretty messy ripped up beach slippers. I am just a normal person with feelings. I have rights, plenty handful of rights to be contradictive, love, depressed, over-the-top and even pretend I don’t have any feelings. Did you ever, come across to ask me, my opinion and feelings towards all these screw-ups situation?

No!

Maybe you expect me to choose sides, especially yours, but how on earth should I do that when you two are the people I rely on? How should I judge who is wrong or right when my opinions weren’t being heard by anybody? Not a single human being? I guess, I am still naïve.

I pray at night, asking god to give me clearer vision about the future, a tiny picture with and without you, and a better understanding about this hardship I’m going through. But I know, by praying alone, it won’t simply change anything.

By any chance, if you ever read this, please do know, I need you-together. Give me longer time to spend time with you. I want you to be the one I could share my success and lifetime with. Please. Let me stay just for a longer period.

Love.


xoxo
AAMS